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3D Balls in Rainbow Background
  • Writer's pictureJames Hawken

What happened was...

So, you know when you start out to do something and you end up doing something else, that happens to me a lot. Quite often when I'm sat at the piano. There may be lots of reasons for that: easily distracted, continous brain activity, lack of concentration, feelings outweighing set objectives etc..

Here's what seems to be happening to me right now. It's evident from brain and neuralogical investigation that neurodivergents (I hate that word, there's no such thing in my mind. What's neurotypical anyway? Another discussion?) can rely heavily on chemical substances to cope with living in our constructed society. With me alcohol has been the main compound over many, many years. It seems the ethanol molecules can sit perfectly onto certain neuro receptors and 'relax' that bit of the brain, even 'switching it off'. Do this over years and your brain stops making so many of these receptors. When you stop using alcohol, not only do these brain cells come back to life, but you also now have loads of more active ones. So you get a flurry of activity, in my case an energetic mental reaction to many years of suppressed musical creativity (I've been totally free of the shackles for 4 years now). So now I can't help it, the music has to 'come out'!

So what's he blabbering on about this time? I had a piece of music in my head, a sort of classical motif if you like, a simple child like, nursery rhymish phrase . I sat down at the piano with the intention of playing it through and developing it into something more technical and interesting. Well, almost immediately my brain got bored with that, told me that I'm not 'feeling this' and steered me to create something else, something that was 'in me' at that moment. As usual I had the DAW recording and after playing it back I thought it sounded quite nice and may be of interest to others. So, the piece goes from a rigid framework into a freeform mellow, relaxing vibe full of changing dynamics and expression, a totally schizoid movement. As usual I don't have any imagination when it comes to naming my pieces so it's called 'I Was In Two Minds'. Brilliant eh?

I've done a quick visualiser for it. If you would like a listen it's here:

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